Monday, September 29, 2008
"I hate when that happens! I'm always running over my consumer electronics with my car. I have a mental condition that creates the delusion that my driveway is the coffee table."
And then I was like, when would someone ever run over an iPod with your Truck? So then I started thinking of crazy things that would make that so... and now you can too!
here's the link for the broken iPod
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
So today in SFL, which I have with Allison, we did this thing where the teacher was like I need four husbands, and four wives. Then they had to touch (don’t get your mind in the gutter) and then they got children (the two events were unrelated). And I was Allison’s honeymoon love child (well one of them). So this prompted me to make up a story for all this, and this is using the teacher’s outline, I am not going to make too much up here, just make it an actual story, as opposed to his readers digest version. So here is the story….
Once upon a time, there was a girl named Allison. There was also a boy named Spencer Schpoonmaker. Allison and Spencer met at a dance… they danced. At this dance they got to know each other very well, they each had a sincere passion for dancing, Mr. Rodgers, and Banana P’nut Butt sandwiches. So needless to say, it was love at first dance. They began to date; their life was full of dating, dancing, and sandwiches. Ahh… bliss. 7 beautiful weeks later in their relationship, the time came for the next step. So they danced as dance partners for BYU Dance Sport. They won first place, of course. Then six more weeks later, they were engaged! It was a beautiful short engagement. They got married on December 27th, during Christmas break. The family of Mr. and Mrs. Spencer Schpoonmaker was underway.
After about 3 weeks of beautiful marriage, Allison realized she was late, and not for an appointment, if you get my drift. And nine months later Allison had not one, but two! Beautiful baby girls! Spencer and Allison could not have been any happier. They named the honeymoon love twins, Amanda and Amy. They were two beautiful girls; the twins were not identical though. The girls grew up very differently. Amanda received so much grief for being the shorter twin, and the discrimination drove her to drastic measures. It first started with pink hair, of which her father did definitely not approve. Then it all spiraled out in to drugs, stealing, drinking, and so much more.
Allison and Spencer were such at a lost for what to do for their lost daughter. So they sent her away. Where, did they send her you ask? That’s a story for another day. The family continued to function without Amanda. Amy and her parents did life as usual, they no longer had Amanda in the picture, at least not till she could get her act back together. Amy was the perfect child; she never seemed to leave her father’s side or guidance.
Then the fateful day arrived. It was pretzel day. Everyone got free pretzels. Then the day after pretzel day was the scheduled day for Amanda to be allowed to return to her family. After getting over her many sins, and accepting that she was indeed the shorter twin, she was ready to return. She loved her family, and although the pink from her hair was not completely faded, the rest of her sins were done with. Her family welcomed her back with open arms. Only this time they seemed to be more aware of Amanda, they surrounded her with love, and bought her high heels. So now she was the taller twin. They all lived happily ever after… what could make life any better for the Schpoonmakers?
… a boy?
Friday, September 19, 2008
WHEN I AM STANDING AT THE CROSSWALK AND THEN SOMEONE COMES UP BEHIND ME AND PRESSES THE BUTTON TO CROSS THE STREET TOO, LIKE I WASN'T SMART ENOUGH TO DO IT. I JUST LIKE TO STAND AT THE CROSS OR SOMETHING.
WHEN I GO TO WAVE AT SOMEONE AND I REALIZE I DON'T KNOW THEM, SO I SLOWLY REARRANGE MY HAIR.
WHEN I ACTUALLY GO AND TALK TO SOMEONE, AND IT TURNS OUT I DON'T KNOW THEM... O THAT'S A GOOD ONE.
WHEN I YELL AT SOMEONE I ACTUALLY DO KNOW, TO GET THERE ATTENTION, AND EVERYONE AROUND YOU HEARS, BUT THAT PERSON, SO THEN EVERYONE AROUND YOU IS LIKE, "YA RIGHT, LIKE YOU ACTUALLY HAVE FRIENDS? NICE TRY."
WHEN YOU HAVE YOUR ARM IN A SLING AND TRY TO TRY ON CLOTHES BY YOURSELF IN THE BOOKSTORE.
WHEN YOU HAVE YOUR ARM IN A SLING AND ATTEMPT TO PUT A LID ON YOUR FOOD, O AND THE LID HAS STUFF ON IT TOO. HELLO? ITS CALLED GRAVITY, THINGS WILL FALL ON THE TABLE... AND MAKE MORE OF A MESS THAN INTENDED.
WHEN MY PHONE RINGS IN CLASS... AND ITS LIKE A RANDOM INSIDE JOKE RING, THAT IS JUST EMBARRASSING.
WHEN I LAUGH AT MYSELF... IN PUBLIC... AND PEOPLE JUST LOOK AT YOU LIKE YOUR CRAZY.
HOW ABOUT WHEN I TALK TO MYSELF!
OR TODAY WHEN I WAS WALKING TO CAMPUS AND SINGING AND DANCING TO MY 80'S MUSIC? I'M 99% CERTAIN I SCARED ALL THE LITTLE FRESHMAN IN HELAMAN, THEY WERE LIKE, "THAT'S WHAT ONE YEAR OF BYU DOES TO YOU? O NO!"
WHEN I GET OUTTA BREATH FROM WALKING UP HELAMAN HILL WAY TOO FAST, BUT EVERYONE JUST THINKS YOUR AN IDIOT... THAT'S A CLASSIC, I ALWAYS TRY TO COVER IT UP BY LIKE YAWNING OR SOMETHING.
I THINK THAT IS ALL I CAN THINK OF RIGHT NOW... BUT ITS HOW I AM, AND HOW COULD ANYONE LOVE ME, IF I WASN'T ME! I'M TRUE TO MY AMANDANESS, AND THAT'S HOW IT'S GONNA BE, AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT ... TOO BAD, CAUSE I'M AWESOME! EVEN THOUGH I MAY BE A TOTAL NERD.
ALSO I WAS ON A WEBSITE, AND FOUND THIS FUNNY
No Movies found!I'M MISSPELLED? WEIRD... I SHOULD LOOK INTO THAT.
You are possible misspelled.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
IT IS IN THE LIBRARY, ON THE FIRST FLOOR OF THE LIBRARY, IN THE SPECIAL COLLECTIONS ROOM. I'M NOT SURE WHAT IS IN THIS ROOM THAT NEEDS TO BE SO HEAVILY PROTECTED, BUT LET ME EXPLAIN WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU GO THERE.
YOU GET TO THE ROOM AND YOU ASK FOR A BOOK. YOU PRETTY MUCH HAVE TO KNOW EVERYTHING THERE IS TO KNOW ABOUT THE BOOK YOU WANT. SO YOU TELL THEM THE INFORMATION
THEN YOU FILL OUT PAPER WORK... PAPER WORK, FOR A BOOK.
THEN YOU GIVE THEM YOUR ID CARD.
THEN HAVE TO GO PUT YOUR STUFF IN A LOCKER. YOU AREN'T ALLOWED TO BRING PHONE'S, WATER BOTTLES, OR PENS INTO THE ROOM.
THEN YOU GO BACK TO THE DESK WHERE YOU ASKED FOR YOUR BOOK, AND YOU WAIT AT THE DOOR TO THE SEALED ROOM FOR THEM TO UNLOCK IT FROM BEHIND THE DESK. THEY PRESS THE BUTTON AND YOU CAN ENTER THE ROOM.
YOU SIT AT A TABLE AND WAIT FOR THEM TO GET YOUR BOOK, FROM THE SECRET CIA VAULT.
THEN THEY COME TO A PLACE WHERE THEY SLIDE IT OPEN, AND THEY SET YOUR BOOK DOWN, AND YOU CAN COME AND GET IT.
WHEN YOU READ, THERE IS ABSOLUTE SILENCE, THERE IS FOAM PADS THAT YOU HAVE TO PUT SOME OF THE BOOKS ON TO PROTECT THEM.
AND THEN WHEN YOU RETURN YOU BOOK YOU SET IT AT THE WINDOW WHICH THEY OPEN AND THEN YOU CAN RETURN THE BOOK.
THEN YOU WAIT FOR THEM TO UNLOCK THE DOOR FROM BEHIND THE DESK AGAIN.
AND IN ADDITION, YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO CHECK OUT A SINGLE ITEM FROM THE SPECIAL COLLECTIONS... EVEN IF ITS JUST A 200 PAGE LEISURE BOOK.
Monday, September 8, 2008
MANY FRESHMAN WITH CD PLAYERS WALKING AROUND AS IF THOUGH CONFUSED (NOW I KNOW THEY ARE TAKING THEIR LIBRARY TOUR THING, SO I JUST THINK ITS PRETTY FUNNY)
I SAW A MAN PET A PLAQUE
THERE IS A COMPUTER THAT TELLS YOU HOW MANY COMPUTERS THERE ARE AVAILABLE ALL OVER CAMPUS! (DOES THAT MEAN THEY CAN MONITOR US FROM ANYWHERE?)
YOU CAN READ BOOKS IN THE SPECIAL COLLECTION AREA, BUT NOT CHECK THEM OUT, EVEN THOUGH IT IS JUST A 200 PAGE LEISURE NOVEL THAT YOU WANT TO READ.
YOU CAN GET FORGIVENESS ON A BOOK THAT YOU HAVE OVERDUE AND OWE LATE FEES ON... BUT ONLY IF YOU ARE SUPER NICE TO THE DESK CLERK AND THEY ARE IN A GOOD MOOD... HMMMM.
YOU CAN CHECK OUT SAMPLER ITEMS, ALTHOUGH IT SAYS YOU CANNOT, AND CAN IN MANY DIFFERENT PLACES... VERY INTERESTING.
AND THE GUY SITTING NEXT TO ME WHILE I WRITE THIS, KEEPS LOOKING AT EVERYTHING I DO... CREEPY... I HOPE HE LOOKS NOW AND SEES THIS TOO!
AND... I TALK TO ALLISON ALOT WHEN I'M ONLINE, WHICH CAN ONLY BRING ABOUT GOOD THINGS (AND YES, THAT WAS A SHOUT OUT! HOLLA!)